I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
