i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
