He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
