do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
