ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
