Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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