Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
