so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
