Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
