True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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