i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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