Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
