I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
