I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
