Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
