I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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