can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
