Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
