Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
