I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
