I heard we made out
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
