TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm always down for nudity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
