just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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