Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We have started to decorate penises.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
