I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
