It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
