can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
