He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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