He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
