I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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