I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
