I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
