absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
