i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
