Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
