Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
