Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sex in a hospital.. check
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
