At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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