if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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