haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
