Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
