eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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