Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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