I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
