You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
