Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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