dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
