remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
