They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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