You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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