My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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