i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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