my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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