I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
