What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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