The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Boobs are out for the taking
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
