All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
