Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
