I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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