you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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