You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
