She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
